How can you tell if someone is bullying you or just being rude? Here are some clues:
Bullying is not:
• An insensitive comment or two
• A mean “sound-bite”
• A clash
• A fight
• A difference of opinion
• An argument
• A conflict
• Serious and intentional, with harm in mind
• Nonstop taunting, berating, belittling and oppressive
• Harassing, tormenting, intimidating
• Long-term physical, emotional, sexual, and/ or mental damage
• Continual persecution that’s often schemed
• Pressured, pushed, browbeaten into being controlled
• Forced into submission and influence
• Targeted and ostracized
• Repeated or habitual
• Complete betrayal
The word “bullying” can’t be thrown around like a common handshake.
Casually calling someone a bully is like crying wolf. It dilutes the real meaning of true bullying.
Be sure it's really bullying
The five steps of grieving are: 1. Denial; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; and 5. Acceptance. It takes as long as it takes. It is what it is until it isn’t. Be patient with yourself.
• Don’t become self-righteous- “The Bully” may have once been a victim like you. Bullies often have a generational cycle of bullying within their family. Don’t allow yourself to be a “One-upper” because you are the one who seems the most hurt. It doesn’t matter!
• Don’t become a Bully-Victim, instead become a Leader! Victims often start lashing out in fear, anger, and a strong desire to regain control. It won’t help! Being a survivor is your opportunity to Define Yourself Before Others Do™. Once you define yourself you start to develop the 5 C’s of being a good leader: Civility (be true to yourself and everyone else-remember the Golden Rule-Treat others as you want to be treated), Courage (anything is possible with faith), Confidence ( stand tall and widen your heart), Creativity (dream and live your dreams-discover your internal & external talents, then focus on others and your talents), strong Carriage (stand tall, walk tall).
• Respect and have reverence for yourself and others- Respect means to have a high opinion, admiration, and value for yourself and your best ideas, events, and people in your life. Reverence means to have respected and modest ideas, places, things and people in your life.
• Don’t gossip- Don’t criticize-Don’t say “J/K” to yourself and others- Gossip ruins lives and makes people victims. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. Worry about how and what you are being, doing, and sharing (and oversharing-TMI makes you vulnerable). J/K (Just Kidding) or any version of this “thing” is the worst excuse ever to behave badly and be mean, rude, unkind, and horrible to yourself and others.
• Create Healthy Relationships with C.L.A.S.S. - C=connect, L=Listen, A=Ask, S=Summarize, S=Suggest. It may become necessary to accept the fact that some of your friends may not be your best and most healthy choices. This is the most difficult step because healthy relationships are one of the things that matter the most in your life. Creating healthy and new friendships requires Connect- through genuine compliments and cheerfulness/ Listen-to Body Language (55% of our communication), Tone of Voice (38% how we say things shows how you are truly feeling), and only 7% of our communication are the words we use (which is why social media isn’t the best communication to choose). Ask open questions where an actual answer is better than a yes or no answer (use the wwh’s – who-what-where-when-why-how) Summarize what you heard your new friend say. Suggest a “thing” to do or place to go.
Finally, call or email Rhonda for advice if you want: (928) 515-9996 or click to email
Being a Victim is NOT a Choice-STAYING A VICTIM IS A CHOICE! Choose to be a leader!
If someone is bullying you, here's what you need to know.
Copyright © 2016, Rhonda's STOP BULLYING Foundation for Girls. No use of material without permission.
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• Stand Taller with good posture and make it a point to have good eye contact: When close to “The Bully," make sure you are standing tall and connecting with eye contact. Keep a neutral face (no expression of anger, happiness, or anything except a blank face). You will show courage and confidence instead of fear and shame. This is the first best step!
• Do not take on “The Bully” by responding, defending and/ or explaining what you did or didn’t do, say, or express. Your eye contact and neutral face will confuse “The Bully.” Your unresponsive behavior will be unexpected. You will become more empowered!
• Report- Report- Report! Make sure to report clearly and specifically to adults you trust. Keep reporting until an adult helps you and stops the bullying. If a parent, teacher, principal, or any other adult does not take action steps to help you or acknowledge that you need help, go to the police. They are trained to help you.
• Allow yourself to grieve your losses- friends, family, dreams, hopes, love, sense of self worth, dignity, trust, and more.